Yesterday at lunchtime, I saw one child devastate five others in the space of two minutes.
The little girl in question had a colorful party invitation, which she slid out of an envelope and waved around so her classmates could see.
?I?m invited to Sadie?s party and you?re not!? she sing-songed. ?It?s going to be at House of Air and we?re going to jump on trampolines and have cake!?
Watching the second-grade faces fall was like watching a wave hit as one by one, they grasped the idea that they were left out.
?Say, you should put that away,? I admonished her. I helped her put it back into the envelope and into her lunchbox.
?Why?? she asked sassily and angrily.
?How do you think it makes the other kids feel when they hear they aren?t invited??
?I don?t care,? she told me.
?You don?t care about your classmates? feelings?? She looked thoughtful at that. ?Do you think it feels good or bad to not be invited to a party of a person you like??
?Bad,? she said softly. ?Bad!? confirmed the girl next to her, who obviously would love to go to Sadie?s party.
?Yes. So keep your invitation in your lunchbox, and I don?t want to see you take it out again,? I told them all, stern-faced.
This is such a problem at our school, particularly in second grade, where the kids seem to be working out who belongs and who doesn?t. There are a lot of exclusive little clubs, and you can?t sit here because you?re not in the club, and the party invitations just add fuel to the fire.
So why oh why do parents send them to school? In Violet?s class, there have been several instances of children making a ceremony out of passing out invites to just a portion of the class, while the rest of the class looks woebegone: trembling chins, tears, desolate questions about why so-and-so doesn?t like them.
Of course, not everyone can be invited to every party. Second grade parents tend to have parties at venues that will accept 15 or so kids and no more, so it?s tough to invite the whole class.
Still, I fail to see why these parents think it?s okay to send their kids with invites to pass out at school. I imagine that they?re telling the kids to be subtle, and to tell invitees to just put the invites in their backpacks and keep the whole thing sotto voce.
But that?s beyond the abilities of a seven-year-old, I am here to tell you. Whatever the parents are telling the kids about keeping the invites private, the kids use the invitations to torture each other. If they have one, they want to show it off, to tell their classmates, and to tease those who weren?t invited.
It?s awful to watch. If parents knew how sad the left-out kids were made by this, how obviously it displays who?s in and who?s out, they might think about sending an Evite to parents instead. Or passing out invites at dropoff, to be taken home. Or just using the U.S. mail (imagine!) to send invites to the guests? homes.
Even if the whole class is invited, trust me, that class then goes on to tease the other second graders in different classes, dropping the news that Wyatt is having a party and guess what? You?re not invited!
As adults we have enough thoughtfulness and kindness to keep exclusive invitations concealed and private. Why can?t we have that same kindness when it comes to tiny lil kids, who don?t have enough life experience to be able to blow it off? If you saw their sad faces, I promise you, you?d agree with me.
Image source: Personalized Party Invites
Source: http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/11082012is-passing-out-party-invitations-at-school-cruel/
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